I used to think superman was magical. Then I realised he just drinks lots of Red Bull.
what if Jesus had a middle name
and it was something really lame, like Harold.
"JESUS HAROLD CHRIST. COME HERE THIS INSTANT AND CLEAN YOUR ROOM."
"But MOOOMMM I’m healing a blind man!"
"DON’T MAKE ME GET YOUR FATHER"
Jesus Fucking Christ
when i was younger nobody wanted to mess with me and my squad
first i get absolute consent. then i fuck yo bitch
*pours bong water on everything you love*
the sound of teenage girls laughing near you when you’re by yourself is literally the most terrifying thing a person can experience
did you ever become friends with someone so beautiful? and then they started telling you about the douchebags in their lives that did horrible things to them, like cheat and lie. and the only thing running through your mind is “who would ever want to hurt someone like you?”
i completely forgot that you actually have to pay for internet